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The Importance of Age-Restricting Wedgie Content

Recently there’s been much discourse in the online wedgie community about wedgie content that includes minors and the lack of age-appropriate boundaries certain members have. We’ve seen numerous people be exposed (and rightfully so) and it’s been great to see such a large portion of the community rally against this. It does however raise the question of how can we as adults eliminate predatory content and make these online spaces safer for minors.

Age of Consent

Before I delve into this, it’s important to deal with the discrepancies in the age of consent. Different countries around the world have different legal ages of consent, such as the U.K.’s being 16 years old and South Korea’s being 20. These discrepancies are often cited in defence of adults engaging sexually or romantically with someone who is in their mid to late teens but still underage (just take Call Me By Your Name for example). The issue is that legality has not often mirrored morality, and the legal ages of consent currently in place in nations across the world aren’t necessarily any indication of a fixed moral truth. This therefore elucidates just how problematic it can be to justify romantic or sexual acts with minors using the argument of ‘legal age of consent’. In other words, just because your government thinks adults having sex with 15 year olds is ok, that doesn’t make it ok.

At least from what I’ve perceived, 18 years old seems to be a pretty standard colloquial age of consent. Indeed when setting age-appropriate boundaries on social media, many of us put some form of “18+” or “must be above 18 to follow” in our bios. I’d argue that even outside our online wedgie community this is the norm, with memes like “neurodivergent and a minor” and “teens will turn 18 and tweet ‘minors DNI [do not interact]'” becoming popular, the implication being that a minor is someone who is 17 or under. Therefore, at least colloquially here in the west, it’s fairly safe to assume 18 years old is the cut-off point when we’re talking about age-appropriate boundaries (although there is still much conversation to be had about maturing and brain development and exploring ages of consent older than 18, which I won’t delve into here but think is important to acknowledge).

I won’t give my opinion on whether or not minors should be a part of the online wedgie community, mostly because I don’t think at this point I have a solid answer to that. I will say that there are many ways in which being a part of these spaces are beneficial in helping underage people come to terms with and begin to understand wedgies as a kink. Fetish is very rarely included in sex education curriculums, and I think that’s unfortunately almost universally the case. While not everyone thinks that kink should be taught in sex education curriculums, I’d argue that at least acknowledging their existence, the ways and circumstances in which they can develop and dispelling stigma surrounding it would be a sufficient way to include fetish on school syllabuses. As we all know, abstinence and shame-based approaches when it comes to sex education rarely work. Therefore, having access to at least some aspects of the online wedgie community means underage folks can make friendships and feel valuable community support for something that is so stigmatised and shamed. As someone who started my wedgie Instagram account at 18, even I’ve gained so much from being in these spaces. It’s certainly helped me unlearn a lot of my internalised kinkshame and guilt which I harboured for over a decade, and I think having (limited) access to parts of the online community from a younger age would’ve helped to achieve that a lot sooner.

De-Sexualisation of Wedgies?

That brings me to the question: Can we de-sexualise wedgies? Are we able to create sections of the online community that are desexualised so underage members can still receive the benefits I’ve listed above? I think the answer to that is… nuanced.

Obviously the main attraction to BDSM is the sexual pleasure of it all. That’s what got me into wedgies in the first place, and it’s what will keep me coming back no matter how sore my ass is. But I’ve recently realised that there are definitely elements of kink where sex, sexuality and sexual pleasure aren’t the priority. For example, rope bondage is not something I’m inherently sexually attracted to. Combined with wedgies, sure, but on its own, it doesn’t do it for me. I’ve come to really have an, I suppose, artistic and aesthetic appreciation for rope bondage content though, and I could absolutely see myself participating in a rope bondage sub session for reasons other than receiving sexual pleasure. Moreover, kink can be comforting escapism that helps us process traumatic events or can be a tool of consolation for the harsh reality of the world we live in. Sexual pleasure is a big part of kink, but that’s not why all of us are interested in it, and a lot of us actually engage with it in a multitude of ways outside of just for sexual pleasure.

That all being said, with wedgies it’s a bit more complicated. Wedgies not only involve someone’s genitals, but directly inflict pain upon them. With rope play or even something like furries, sexual pleasure can arguably be separated from the kink to an extent, whereas with wedgies the inherent contact with genitals adds many question marks as to whether or not wedgies as a kink can be de-sexualised. I’m sure some people in the community have compartmentalised wedgies into two different categories: one where it is explicitly sexual and involves roleplay fantasies, and one where it’s a meaningless prank that they pull with their friends. And that’s largely due to the normalisation of wedgies as just that: meaningless pranks.

At least in the west, wedgies are seen in the media as being fun and consequence-less, and only occasionally regarded as ‘bullying’. For a lot of us, we came to know about wedgies as children and it’s most prominent in children’s media, especially cartoons. Wedgies are shown to be this harmless surprise prank that you can pull on your best mate, or that a bully can give a nerd to embarrass them. But that’s the extent of it. There’s never any acknowledgement of the fact that due to the intrinsic contact with your genitals (as mentioned above), a lack of consent means that a surprise wedgie is sexual harassment or even assault. I believe that as we mature into adults, most of us realise that wedgies aren’t exactly a socially appropriate thing to do, but for kids whose main exposure to wedgies are as schoolyard pranks, they don’t realise a) the harm (not just physical) an unsolicited wedgie can give, and b) the ways in which wedgies can be sexualised. Adults can perceive of wedgies as being something sexual because we’ve matured and developed an understanding of and relationship with our sexual side, whereas kids can only see it as a hilarious prank. And that’s at the crux of why it’s particularly important to have age-appropriate boundaries in this community, because young underage people aren’t able to recognise neither the harm nor the sexualised nature of wedgies and can unknowingly view content and engage with people who are operating from a sexual standpoint.

That last point is particularly significant because I think almost all of us here engage with the community in at least somewhat of a sexual mindset. Even if you individually don’t see wedgies as a sexual thing, the majority of us do and most importantly, that separation is not something that can be easily comprehended by a kid who is yet to mature.

If you’re posting wedgie content that features children (or God forbid you’re an adult who has a meet-up with a minor), it will be sexualised. Regardless of if you personally think it’s just a fun prank, it will be sexualised because this community centres adult members who have a sexual relationship with wedgies. It will also be presented in a feed of content made by adults that are intended to be perceived as sexual, e.g. Onlyfans video previews.

A clear indication of this is the comments section of your standard wedgie video or thirst trap. There’s always an array of comments from other adults saying “hot” or “sexy” or like three fire emojis. As far as posting content in the online wedgie community, it is inherently sexualised therefore posting content with minors is immoral.

So… What should we do about this?

Once again, I can’t speak to whether or not minors should be completely left out of online wedgie spaces because there are many benefits to being a part of it, including building community, building friendships and being validated that your kink or your interest in wedgies is ok. These spaces have such an ability for good, to help us all unlearn shameful and stigmatised thinking and to understand ourselves better, and if I had had access to this space sooner I wouldn’t have had so many years of hating such an important part of who I am.

On the other hand, there are people here that do not have appropriate boundaries when it comes to age and who, intentionally or not, are capable of making this space unsafe for underage individuals. I think at this point, the best way forward is to continue to de-platform these predatory adults from the community and to set in place boundaries that ensure that minors have access to helpful resources that can help them understand themselves better while also barring them from viewing content that is not for them at this time. And that’s part of why I created this website, to provide safe for work resources that anyone of any age can engage with and benefit from.

So what does that look like in practice? Well besides the obvious of not posting wedgie content of minors, I suggest the following:

  • Put your age in your bio. It’s so easy to become faceless strangers interacting with each other online, so clearly stating your age is a vital first step
  • Put “18+” in your bio if you post wedgie content with the intention of it being sexualised, or if others engage with it in a sexual nature. If you have 20 homosexuals in your comments thirsting over your wedgie pic, that’s probably a good indication of your account being a sexualised space
  • Soft-block mutuals who are underage. Soft-blocking is essentially blocking someone then unblocking them so that neither of you follow each other. It’s an efficient way to remove minors who follow you while also ensuring you don’t follow them
  • Let the community know if an adult account is posting wedgie content that features minors. You can do this by calling them out on your story or in a post
  • Continue to have conversations with fellow members of the community about why these boundaries are necessary. Whether you have 20 followers or 2,000 followers it’s important to be vocal about this issue and keep having this conversation

So those are my thoughts on the matter. As adults in this community, it’s our responsibility to ensure that our underage members can have the safest experience possible as they come to understand their own relationship to kink and sexual identity. I think that our community has such compassionate and responsible members who are all about making ~the online wedgie experience~ safe and satisfactory, and there’s no doubt in my mind that we can and we will make this space as accommodating as possible for everyone.

For further discussion of the nuances in kink discourse and exploring kink without sexual pleasure, I recommend listening to Kat Blaque’s True Tea episode on Kink at Pride, as well as the accompanying call-in show. Kat Blaque is a YouTuber and avid speaker on BDSM, especially as someone who frequents the LA kink scene.

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