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Wedgie Warlock: Chapter 3

Cody makes to walk up and give Anton a hug, but reconsiders as the initial relief of seeing his former friend wears off. It’s quickly replaced with an uncomfortable dread as his brain begins to process what Anton being here now means: that he was the one who gave Jono and the twins that wedgie, and that he purposefully led Cody on a chase to the oval.

“Seriously… Anton, what are you doing here?” Cody asks, this time laced with caution.

“It’s our high school reunion, isn’t it?” says Anton plainly.

“Yes, it is— or, well…” Cody stammers, “you never showed up to graduation, so I don’t know if—”

“Gee wonder why that was,” Anton says, clicking his tongue.

Cody tries to respond, but finds he doesn’t know what to say. In this moment of silence, he takes in Anton’s all-black look, but instead of an ironic t-shirt, a jacket and torn skinny jeans, it’s now a shirt, a full-on cape and… well, still torn-skinny jeans. Amongst all the theatrics, he wonders if the friend he once knew is still inside.

“Well… Okay look, I was actually hoping I’d run into you tonight… That day I left you after school – I’ve always felt so guilty about that, but I— I panicked, and Jono and the twins were coming, and I just didn’t know what to do!” Cody sighs, the weight of what he’s wanted to say for five years finally beginning to leave his chest. “But Anton I am so, so sorry for leaving you.”

“Cody… I hung there on that fence for 15 hours. I was in agonising pain the entire night, including when it bucketed down rain at one point. It wasn’t until the weekend soccer coach came in to prep for the next morning’s games did I finally get let down.”

The wind’s knocked out of Cody’s chest. The worst is confirmed: Cody did in fact abandon Anton that night. The guilt that just dissipated within him comes hurtling back into the pit in his stomach. He goes to say something, but nothing he can say can make up for what he’s just learnt.

“So yes, I skipped graduation,” Anton continues, beginning to slowly circle Cody like prey. “Ended up dropping out actually because I’d been flunking all my classes. What was a couple days of schoolyard bullying for you was months of non-stop harassment for me. You might’ve been on the lower levels, but you weren’t a Level 1, Cody. You have no clue the hell I went through. I wasn’t sleeping, I couldn’t even turn the corner in the hallway without getting major anxiety and always expecting them to be there… It was a living nightmare.”

“I’m sorry,” Cody musters after a few seconds. “Anton, if I had known—”

“You did, Cody. You did.”

“I thought about coming back for you, I really, truly did. But I figured that if I could naturally rip down, then you would too, but then when you weren’t at graduation—”

“Rip down?” Anton repeats. “Gagarium underwear doesn’t just rip, Cody.”

“Y— Yeah, I thought that too, but then mine did, and y’know – can’t’ve been 100% rip-proof after all huh.”

Anton stops circling Cody, now staring him directly in the eyes. “Gagarium is made with little bits of metallic fibres in it – it does not simply rip. You were supposed to be up there with me for 15 hours, and yet you somehow tore the untearable. Haven’t you ever wondered how that can be?”

Cody stands there as the full command of Anton’s attention exposes every inch of his guilty conscious. With nothing else to distract or redirect Cody’s mind, the little voice in the back of his head that had always wondered how he’d been able to tear down finally takes centre-stage. He should not have been able to rip down and escape the peril of that day – in fact he couldn’t have. The news report from the other day proved that he’d need a dry ice laser to be able to split the material in two. Yet, for some reason, Cody’s Gagarium underwear had managed to tear on its own.

“I don’t… I don’t know how I did that,” Cody says softly, slightly shaking his head in disbelief.

“You really have no clue?” Anton retorts, taken aback. When Cody’s speechless face is all the reply, the tiniest smirk curls around Anton’s lips.

“You know, you get a lot of time to contemplate when you’ve flunked out of school and become the family shame, and nobody, not even your own parents, cares about you. And that’s all I did for five years – contemplate that one memory of you somehow ripping down from that impossible hanging wedgie. For months it taunted me, chased me down every corner of my mind and drove me into the pits of insanity… that is until the idea hit me. An idea so impossible that I knew there was no option but for it to be true. But I needed to prove it for myself, so I got evidence.

“I enrolled myself into a TAFE course on chemistry, using the equipment access I had there to begin my experiments. I spent many long nights in the lab analysing my own still intact Gagarium underwear. And sure, eventually I was expelled because I wasn’t actually showing up to any classes— but oh, Cody, what I discovered was extraordinary. See, that day you weren’t just given any old hanging wedgie. You were given the most painful and humiliating public wedgie that school had ever seen, and you were given it whilst wearing Gagarium underwear.

“You wanna know why Gagarium is so quickly becoming an illegal material? It’s toxic, Cody. When exposed to the human bloodstream, the ramifications are unimaginable. Any normal human being in a situation where they’re exposed to the full raw destructive power of Gagarium is dead within the hour, but not you. Somehow the pain and the embarrassment and the degradation and your determination kept you alive; and more than that, gave you the power to tear free. You were given so traumatic a hanging wedgie that instead of poisoning your bloodstream, it merged with it, and suddenly the impossible becomes the only plausible explanation: You tore the underwear with your mind, that’s how you escaped.”

Cody stands there speechless, desperately searching Anton’s eyes for some clarity or for at least something to make sense, but it’s no use. This definitely sounds like the ravings of someone who hasn’t had a friend to talk to for five years and is just now seeing the outside world. Sure, Gagarium is a dangerous synthetic material created in a laboratory by a disgraced scientist, but ripping underwear with your mind? What nerd even dreams up that shit?

“Anton, what you’re talking about, it’s…” Cody says, looking for the right words. “You’re describing underwear telekinesis. That’s— that’s not real, I can’t do that.”

“You don’t believe me?” Anton mockingly chuckles. “Not even if I do this?”

The back waistband of Cody’s boxer briefs are instantaneously yanked out from his khaki pants and up into the air. A sharp pain invites its way into Cody’s groin, a familiar and unrelenting pain that he’s tried so hard to block out of his mind. He just has time to notice Anton flick his hand to the left before, as if in direct response Cody’s waistband follows, dragging his helpless body across the oval’s fake grass. This would absolutely be one of his biggest fantasies if only he’d have been mentally prepared for it or, y’know, consented to it. Once hauled all the way to the edge of the oval, Cody’s underwear is now pulled upwards, forcing him off the ground as the waistband hooks itself onto the fence.

“Now if memory serves me correct, there were two of us hanging there that day, weren’t there Cody?”

Anton slithers his way over to where he’s just telekinetically hung Cody up on the fence. He marvels at his own hands’ doing. “Pretty neat, huh? That took me months to perfect, including countless teddy bears in oversized underwear as well as some… shall we say, more alive test subjects.”

“This isn’t real,” Cody says through gritted teeth.

“Oh but it is. Gagarium fusing with both of our blood has gifted us with the ability to telekinetically connect with and control underwear.”

“Maybe for you, but I don’t have any such powers.”

With the flick of Anton’s wrist, Cody’s waistband unhooks from the fence, only to be tugged even higher, torturously elevating Cody higher up the fence, where he is now hung. The crushing merging of Cody’s balls and asshole is all he can think about.

“Admit it, Cody. You have wedgie powers.”


“Gagarium altered your DNA—”


“And on that fateful day, you successfully used wedgie telekinesis to escape.”


Cody yells, thrusting his arms to his inner chest as if in foetal position. In an instant, the underwear that was fastened onto the wired fence is unhooked, retracting to its normal position safely inside Cody’s pants. With nothing suspending him in the air any more, he falls but manages to land on all-fours on the ground seemingly unharmed.

“So the wedgie nerd has come out to play,” Anton chuckles.

Cody sits up, looking between his own two hands in bewilderment. He thrusts his right hand down the back of his pants, feeling his underwear for any tears, but there are none: it’s fully intact. There’s a madness to what Anton’s saying, and yet Cody managed to get down from a hanging wedgie on his own without a single tear. He’s done the impossible.

Anton walks on over and extends his hand, but Cody bats it away.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you,” Anton smirks.

“Then what do you want?” Cody spits out.

“Gee, you give one hanging wedgie to prove a point and suddenly you’re the bad guy. Look, Cody,” Anton says as he kneels down to get on Cody’s level. “I need your help.”

“My help? For what? You seemed to handle three buff guys at once back there, I think you’re doing fine.”

Anton beams, still proud of his work back in the bathroom. “Cody, I’ve been mastering and learning about this power for the past five years. I didn’t even start telekinetically manipulating fabric until around 17 months in. And yet here you are, casually unhooking wedgies with your mind like you’re Tiger Woods at a game of mini golf!”

Standing up again, Anton re-extends his hand out to Cody. Even with the death stare he shoots out, Cody eventually takes it.

“What you’ve done without even knowing the power you hold…” Anton continues. “With the right knowledge and guidance, you could become a real force to be reckoned with. Don’t you see, Cody? You could become a wedgie warlock.”

Cody’s brows furrow and he takes a step back. “A… what? But that’s just a schoolyard myth created by bullies with ego issues who peak in Year 8.”

“What might’ve started as a playground myth has become the new reality,” Anton replies. “And with the two of us together, in control of our powers, no nerd shall ever fear that fable again. Now it’s the bullies’ turn to fear for their lives.”

“So this is what this is all about for you?” says Cody as he watches Anton rave. “Some ‘nerd revenge’ type shit? Payback to all that have wronged you?”

“Jono and his measly gang were only the beginning. Every bully in every school— hell, every university and every workplace – EVERY bully shall know true pain.”

“Anton, this is… what you’re talking about is wrong on so many levels. I understand the absolute torture you experienced and it’s natural to want to lash out in retaliation, but what you’re speaking of— mass infliction of pain… it’s just not right! You don’t need to harm others to know your own power, to know your own worth. You’ve been through a lot, and I’m here to help you get back on your feet, okay? But this plan is not the answer.”

Cody gazes into Anton’s eyes, and for a moment he can see the Anton he knew once – the Anton who was scared and hurt, and who, more than anything, just wanted to be safe.

“Please Anton. Let me help you,” Cody says, extending his hand out.

Anton reaches out and places his right hand on top of Cody’s palm. The two share a look of commiseration – two friends finally reconciling after their shared harm in this very school.

“Anton, you’re not gonna regre—”

With the flick of his wrist, Anton telekinetically jolts the front of Cody’s underwear, lifting him up a good few feet above the ground. Cody can only shriek as the melvin digs deeper into his groin, his arms flailing like one of those inflatable air dancing balloons at a car dealer. Anton’s grim cackles can just be heard as Cody is raised higher and higher.

“Oh Cody you pathetic senator. I had hoped you wouldn’t ~be a good person Anton!~ your way out of helping me, but then again you never really knew what true pain was. The world thrives off pain; it’s the single defining quality of the human experience. Until you’ve endured months of torture at the hands of bullies, until you’ve been left to hang by your own underwear for 15 hours, until every single person in your life has neglected you, THEN you can talk to me about right and wrong.”

Anton smacks his hand down on the ground, causing Cody to come hurtling to the ground via his own front underwear. In a split-second decision before hitting the earth, Cody telekinetically pulls the back of his undies, creating a very uncomfortable squeaky clean wedgie but ultimately breaking his fall, ensuring he lands semi-upright after a couple of stabilising wobbles.

“Come on, wedgie boy, fight back! Give me the wedgie you’re dying to give me, or are you too much of a wimp?” Anton calls out across the oval.

Cody doesn’t quite know what to say back. He can sense Anton’s underwear, picturing the dark blue boxer briefs in his mind. His hands tingle with temptation, knowing the exact gesture needed to send Anton flying back by his underwear, yet he can’t bring himself to do it.

“I’d kill for your raw power Cody,” Anton bellows, “but you can’t even get past your own stupid morals! Where were your morals the day you left me to hang for 15 hours? Where were they Cody?”

The back of Cody’s undies is yanked up, causing him to let out a whimper as his body recoils.

“Where were they when I dropped out and everyone in my life had left me?”

Cody’s hoisted up, leaving him dangling a foot above the ground. He tries to kick his way out, but there’s no use.

“Where are your morals when every single day, people like me are harassed and bullied and tortured and cowards like you do NOTHING?!”

Anton shoves out his hands, sending Cody flying back by his own underwear. He hits the back fence, causing it to rattle as his body rebounds onto the ground. The second he stands up and readies himself, Anton yanks the front of his underwear, thrusting him forward at lightning speed. Seizing the opportunity, Cody focuses all his might into taking control over his own front underwear, extending it out with his mind and uses it to whip Anton once he’s in range, knocking him off his feet. With a thud, Anton hits the ground facedown.

Cody takes a second to catch his breath, weaving his loosened underwear back into place. Controlling things with his mind is going to take some getting used to, as if there’s a new muscle he needs to train. Everything Anton said about the Gagarium fusing with his blood was right though – it’s like there’s some connection with the fabric of his underwear that he’s only now discovering.

Cody looks over at Anton lying motionless on the ground, feeling that same pang of guilt hit him. He could have stopped all of this if he’d just gotten Anton down that day. Jono would’ve likely caught him, but Anton would’ve been able to climb free and all this could’ve been avoided.

“I’m sorry,” Cody murmurs.

He turns to go back and help the bullies in the bathroom, but only gets a few steps out when the back of his underwear is yanked up.

“Sorry isn’t good enough,” Anton growls.

Now more relentless than before, Cody’s underwear shoots up and reaches his neck, but it doesn’t stop there. The sound of ripping fills his ears, and he looks over to Anton, who now stands with his arms outstretched, like a puppet master in full control of his puppet. Cody’s lifted high into the sky by his waistband, creeping up higher and higher until it’s reached his head. Still, with each rip, it smooths its way down Cody’s face until all he can see is tinted red, red from his torn underwear.

Back on the ground, Anton continues to twist his extended hands, telekinetically warping Cody’s boxer briefs further and further up his ass. He’s now focusing on all parts of the underwear, levitating every inch of fabric and inflicting a ton of pain onto his friend turned victim. Not breaking focus, Anton reaches into his pocket with one hand, bringing out a silver-coloured sling of fabric that has two small loops at each end. He tosses it up into the air, catching it with telekinesis and letting it float towards the suspended Cody.

“You’d be happy to know that before Dr Germanotti Gagarotti stood trial, I paid her a visit,” Anton says. “Or should I say, I placed an order.”

The sling reaches Cody and hooks one of its looped ends around his neck. The other end curves down his front chest and under his genitalia, then up his back, causing a second and just-as-painful wedgie.

“Custom-made metallic fabric slings,” Anton gloats.

Cody’s propelled backward by the mind-controlled sling, reaching the end of the oval and a fence that he knows too well. Knotting itself around the top wire of the fence, the sling hooks in place, allowing Anton to release his wedgie telekinesis and let Cody fall into his hanging wedgie, evoking a cry of pain.

“Pretty neat, huh? I had a thousand of these made before tipping the Feds off about Dr Gagarotti, but you have been the perfect little test run. Soon, bullies and jocks everywhere will face the same fate: an unescapable wedgie for all the world to see.”

“Anton, please!” Cody yelps.

“Don’t even try to telekinesis your way out of that wedgie Cody. The slings are made mostly of metallic fibres, with the fabric particles so microscopic it’d take you weeks to find them hidden among all that metal. It certainly took me almost a year to find them myself. It’s all the best parts of Gagarium underwear, but made better so doofuses like you can’t escape.”

Cody attempts to manoeuvre the metal sling but he can’t picture any of the fabric particles in his mind. Anton’s right – they’re too well hidden, and he lacks the precision and knowledge needed to disarm Anton’s new weapon.

“You were never gonna win against me Cody. Your raw, untapped power is admirable, but I’ve been training for this moment for 5 years. You did this to yourself. And so, I alone will assume the title of wedgie warlock.”

Through the red of his own underwear, Cody watches Anton as he pulls out another metal sling, flinging it at the overhead floodlight, breaking it in the process. He takes off into the night, leaving Cody to hang alone in the darkness.

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